The Daily Pep! Part Four
This is part four in my month-long series documenting the run up to launching my new daily podcast - The Daily Pep! - on 29th February 2020. It’s a warts and all look at behind the scenes, and if you missed my first post and are wondering what even is The Daily Pep!, you can read it here.
Holy Shit. 6 days to go.
In hindsight I feel a bit embarrassed about announcing my inner calm last week because right now it feels like that couldn’t be further from the truth.
The jitters have absolutely set in and this week has been a bit of a rollercoaster. My anxiety has been all over the shop like it does when I’m feeling stressed or something big is happening and if you struggle with your mental health, I’m sure you can relate.
I’ve become panicky about pretty minor unrelated things and my OCD has well and truly shown up to the party. I’m washing my hands more, my night-time checks before I go to bed have got worse and death (the thing that really sets of my OCD) has been on my mind more lately.
It feels weird sharing in such intimate detail what’s been going on with me.
Especially with my OCD. But I want to share my reality of doing your own thing as someone who also struggles with mental health.
That’s the whole point of this series. It feels uncomfortable, but I wanted to show the actual behind the scenes, not the zero to TA-DAH fairytale version we’re so used to seeing online.
I think working for yourself is often touted as the best thing ever for people with chronic illnesses, but the reality is that it does brings its own brand of stress. Doing your own thing means you’re constantly in a dance with uncertainty and doing scary things on a regular basis, and the stress can lead to flare ups.
One thing is that after a while you get pretty used to recognising the signs. That inner calm is still somewhere in me, and I know for the way I work this is a part of the process for the time being. It’s not time to turn back, it’s just time to acknowledge that my anxiety is rising which is only natural, and to try and let is take a backseat instead of becoming the main character.
The frustrating thing is I was so determined to come back refreshed from my sabbatical, and to a certain extent, I was.
But the minute I was back, a nervous stomach ache has decided to settle in and become a (hopefully short-term) lodger. Before the sabbatical I’d got into such a good morning and evening routine but it seems to have gone out the window a little bit.
Now I’m going to bed later, avoiding doing work I need to do and I’ve gone back to the researching new microphones
And I think self-sabotage has something to do with it.
A while ago, a good friend recommended checking out the book The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks (summary in the link) and it completely opened my eyes to the idea of self-sabotage, and I hope it helps you as well:
“Each of us has an inner thermostat setting that determines how much love, success, and creativity we allow ourselves to enjoy. When we exceed our inner thermostat setting, we will often do something to sabotage ourselves, causing us to drop back into the old, familiar zone where we feel secure.”
“I have a limited tolerance for feeling good. When I hit my Upper Limit, I manufacture thoughts that make me feel bad. The problem is bigger than just my internal feelings, though: I seem to have a limited tolerance for my life going well in general. When I hit my Upper Limit, I do something that stops my positive forward trajectory.”
The Big Leap, Gay Hendricks
And Steven Pressfield especially touches on what I think has been happening for the past week and a half:
“When we are succeeding – that is, when we have begun to overcome our self-doubt and self-sabotage, when we are advancing in our craft and evolving to a higher level – that’s when panic strikes. When we experience panic, it means that we’re about to cross a threshold. We’re poised on the doorstep of a higher plane.”
Too real Steve, too real.
Because they’ve both hit the nail on the head.
So this week I’m doing everything I can to remind myself that I feel this way because I’m on the right path. It’s not a sign to turn back. If anything it’s a sign to keep going.
I’m pressing on, despite feeling scared shitless.
After spending WAY too long researching, I’ve upgraded my podcasting set up so the audio is better, I can better streamline all the processes, and also in the hope that it might make everything feel a bit better. And would you have it, I’m even more nervous now - who would have thought it 😂
(On the plus side, check this out - the coloured buttons are programmable and I press different ones and it plays different part of my podcast music, intro and outro etc! 😮 MAGIC!)
So apart from playing around with fun new gadgets, this week is about outlining and recording future episodes to take some of the pressure off every week, creating a new show with my podcast host and submitting it for approval with iTunes, Spotify and Google Podcasts, finishing off a home for the podcast here on my website and finally choosing a main podcast cover!
Here’s the two I’m struggling to pick between for the main one, and there will be five different colour variations, one for every day of the week:
Oh, and launching the podcast!!!!
So it’s going to be a busy old week with my head down. I find it really hard to balance creating and sharing at the same time, and I know in order to the Daily Pep! to be a success I need to start talking about it more online, so hopefully I’ll be more active on Instagram and Twitter this week :)
So that’s it for this week. I feel like I have more to say, but I’m feeling frazzled and don’t want to waffle on for the sake of it!
Thank you SO much for all your support <3 <3 It means the absolute world to me.