What happens when you make a change from a place of hope, not fear
I talked a while ago on here about being guilty of future tripping. Getting so lost in what we want to do in the future, and not focusing on the present. I also mentioned that I had big changes which I would share when I was ready. And I'm ready.
Turning my life upside down
In December, I handed in my notice to my permanent job. In January, I handed in my notice on my house. And in March, I'm going to be moving to London in with my other half's family for a while, to save up to go travelling.
I have literally turned my life upside down, and it’s pretty fucking terrifying.
I have moments where I just sit here and think when the hell did I get so brave. I also have times where the more rational side of me comes out wonders what the hell I'm doing.
But you know what? I'm going to be honest - my life situation - up until the I made the decision to really shake shit up - hasn't been serving me.
I'd been thinking about a change for a long time, but I was just too scared to jump. And when I say jump, the options I saw available to me were changing my job, and moving somewhere cheaper. They weren’t both, and moving across the country, and making my dreams of travelling a reality.
All that time thinking about the need to shake things up, I was seriously scared of change. I'd rather be miserable most of the time than take a leap into the unknown.
Sobbing and decisions
One evening in December, I just came home and sobbed. I felt really trapped. The realisation that we'd got a house which was beautiful, but was putting a lot of pressure on us financially and limiting our choices was starting to dawn on me. And the situation I was in employment wise just wasn't serving me anymore, and was simply making me miserable.
The two main and concrete things I had made clear decisions on in my life - where to live and where to work, were just draining
But it wasn’t as movie-like as it sounds like - as if a rock just fell on my head and I woke up to face the music.
It was a long time coming, and it was an evening of really painful desperation, clinging onto any hope of things changing I could get.
It had always been my dream to go travelling and I’d started to believe it was never going to happen. The years were creeping by and I was putting it off for security, something I thought I wanted.
And security became a great excuse for not acting on my dreams, and staying in shit situations that I knew weren’t good for me.
A lot of the motivation for change came from knowing that the only thing stopping me was me
Fear's been what's kept me in my situation longer than was good for me.
I was only able to make the active decisions from a place of real hope rather than out of fear.
Yeah, of course it was a risk handing in my notice on both my job and my house, but luckily we're in the situation where we've got families who are being really emotionally supportive and won't see us homeless.
And I'm completely aware that if it wasn't for that, then our options would have been much more limited, and we're really lucky to have such supportive people around us.
But thankfully, it’s all worked out.
Panic number one has been handled regarding what’s going to happen to my beautiful bunnies. Thankfully they’ll be going to live with my Mum and Dad who love them more than me (I’m kidding, I think!) and who really need some bunny love in their lives.
As for the rest, and future panics, I’m prepared.
I handed in my notice early to have all of February to sort things out without stressing, and it’s working. I’ve got a long list of things to do, but they’re not all house related. I’ve got time to read books I’ve been wanting to read, as well as having time to bubble wrap things and sort through junk.
February is seriously busy for me, and I’ve also got a lot of illness in my family right now, and things are really hard.
But I know if I don’t do this now, I don’t know if I will.
And it’s exciting. But also sad (I’ll go more into that in future posts).
So that's why I've been a bit quiet lately. I've really missed blogging. It hasn't been because I haven't wanted to, but because things in my life are changing in such a big way.
I’m looking forward to keeping you guys updated, and living what I write about.
[Tweet "Sometimes we just need to get out of our own way and take another look at our dreams and really believe in them."]